I am a person who love to be active. February and March were fully booked with interesting and important responsibilities, including a journey to Bangladesh and India. Then came 24th of January and a sudden helplessness. I can't even manage my own most natural needs. Embarassing and humiliating. I do of course thank God for the miracle of being alive. I appreciate the hospital staff, friends and colleagues who have been fantastic and supported me 100%. But to be weak and helpless is hard.Through the years of labor we come to believe that we are strong, a "super-Ingvar" who knows and is able. But then being positioned on the back, experiencing that life is a combination of what you can do and who you are. When still in ICU going in and out of consciousness, I tried to pull out the lifesaving tubes and pipes and....wanted to go home, but they tied me down. Now I am going through an intensive course (today is the 16th day) of receiving help and being just myself. I agree with Job's goal in 23:10b"..... when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold". This is possible, but not because I am strong, but because allow myself to be real and God to be God. Thank you for praying for me. Ingvar
